But typically I consider: Is the child trying to challenge my authority in the classroom? Effective Punishment for the Adolescent Used selectively with adolescents, punishment can have corrective influence. Oh, no. I highly recommend using the audio player below to listen to the full interview, but even if you’d rather read, grab a pad of paper because you’re going to want to take notes. You can do that at back-to-school night or in other ways. I think we have to distinguish between disruptions and disrespect, because not every disruption is disrespectful. When you show the parents that this is not a punishment (that’s what they’re protecting their child from, punishment), you’re teaching them that this is another learning opportunity. It just hurts you and it hurts the kids, so never accept being treated like a doormat. I’ve looked at kids before, a kid started getting smart with me, and I looked at her, and she immediately said, “I’m sorry! I’ve looked at kids before, a kid started getting smart with me, and I looked at her, and she immediately said, “I’m sorry! People have to work on their own tolerance. It’s a lot of trial and error. And you might be able to quash the rebellion in the moment, but you have lost the war, because. You can also use the categories or search bar underneath to browse by topic and find exactly what you want. Consequences when Kids Are Mean to Siblings, Playmates, or Family. I don’t need more of this.”. I hated it when parents yelled at me and screamed at me. I’ve had administrators who have capitulated to parents’ demands. I may not directly address them right away because I might be able to redirect that student, or I may be able to get that student re-engaged. There are some people who haven’t found their teacher look yet, or whose look isn’t as ferocious, and so they shouldn’t try the look. Plan ahead. It is more about the task before them. The goal of this step is to focus on following the sequence and being consistent. He has not won, and everyone including him knows it–you’re just choosing to ignore it. Discuss consequences if he breaks your house rules 2. So I try to talk about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, and use the language of the goals that the parents have for their own children. Use verbal, written, modeling  and  role play methods in your lesson. Typically they will follow the classroom consequences, but the process of discussing and writing them down can be a powerful intervention. I think we have to be really clear about the difference. Make the consequence easy for you to deliver so that it does not disrupt your flow while teaching. What are the kids going to say? Be proactive. It’s not that you are tolerating or they can get away with it. I’ve written A LOT about behavior management: creating a strong, positive classroom culture and being proactive, as well as what to do about extreme student behaviors and how to undo your classroom management mistakes. It’s not just that student: everybody’s watching, and everybody’s learning. That’s how you get the kids who just go off. Therefore it’s really not about you. You can look at it and shrug your shoulders and keep moving with what you’re doing. So if they refuse to comply with a simple request, I’m not going to stop instruction until I force them into submission. Then we figure out something that works. So disrespect I never ignore. A few minutes later, I gave him an opportunity to practice what we just reviewed. Absolutely. Students should also be sent to an administrator when cases of academic dishonesty occur. I stop. Removal from the play situation or interaction. When I see teachers out there who are sincerely trying to support students, I wish that I had a tactic, a magic word. One of the things that I find really challenging is that people will bring situations to me and they’ll say, “What should I have done?” And the truth is, I don’t know. Issues for Students. So, you have to be very careful about how you respond to student behavior and address it. Oh, no. positive feedback), 2-You are giving earned consequences for the disrespectful behavior. As founder of Due Season Press and Educational Services, she has created printable curriculum resources, online courses, 5 books, the Truth for Teachers podcast, and the 40 Hour Teacher Workweek Club. She has this lovely way of uncovering the root problem and also calling you out on your own mess instead of allowing blame-shifting. 3. Constant interruptions can interfere with focus. book, Never Work Harder Than Your Students and Other Principles of Great Teaching. You have to find what works for you. I’m old-fashioned. But every time I’ve done it that way, I have found a way to reach the child. Some teachers are tough teachers. I’ve learned over the years that there are a couple of things you can do to enlist parent support: 1. If a child is known to be oppositional and defiant in certain situations (i.e. They describe angry, argumentative, and aggressively disrespectful students. The disrespect and incivility directed at an Instructor due to the expectation that class participation is part of the learning experience is foreign in my background of education as a student. Join 1,000+ Subcribers in getting tips and strategies to help you manage your classroom and students better! Once I had a situation with a father in which he didn’t believe the son should be suspended. Or maybe you respond with humor. I stop. People have to work on their own tolerance. If you can’t handle it … ” If it’s that kind of thing, hear it out. If your children do not behave, do not listen to you, or are disrespectful, it is your right and responsibility to help them learn to do better by imposing consequences. Parents may be accustomed to the school calling home about their child, and it feels like you’re tattling, or it feels like you’re saying their kid’s not a good kid. Review the benefits of being respectful as well. Somebody’s attitude rubs me the wrong way or does something that I feel is disrespectful when really there’s something else going on, and rather than taking the time to figure that out before I respond, I just react, and say, “Hold up. It just quashes the rebellion at the moment. Grandma’s Rule of Discipline. Parents may be accustomed to the school calling home about their child, and it feels like you’re tattling, or it feels like you’re saying their kid’s not a good kid. But instead of feeling guilty about our feelings, we can take positive steps to improve them, says school psychologist and teacher Shelley Krapes. Don’t view the disrespectful behavior as a personal attack. I wasn’t there. If a child cannot be kind to a sibling, for example, they must go play elsewhere. Disrespect comes from a place inside the student that has nothing to do with you. I don’t have anything like, “All you have to do is ___ and you can have that kind of culture.” There are a lot of things that go into it, including not just the personality of the students, but the personality of the teacher. The student then gets himself together and we address the issue when he’s calmer. We think it’s going to solve that issue of that, “I feel disrespected,” and it doesn’t. If you have younger children who are messy, try this: Put their toys in a “rainy day” box to bring out … Because if kids don’t buy your look, if there’s no conviction behind it, then all students are going to do is say, “You can look at me all you want … ” That can escalate things. If I’m walking in cold, I might not do this … but I’ll tell you what I don’t do. I just stop. Responsibility for addressing the problem belongs to the leaders, who need to raise awareness of the pr… Disrespect has become a common issue in today’s society. No. I taught secondary–I’m not talking about third-graders here. Is the goal of that exchange to prove to the other students that you’re in charge, especially when so many things can go wrong, or are there other ways to show students that you don’t tolerate that kind of behavior? This post is based on an episode from my weekly podcast. Establish a steering committeeof trustees, senior leaders, middle managers, physicians, pharmacists, nurses, and other staff. She’s not somebody you mess with,” and they leave it alone. Slight weighs on the mind. I’m trying to think of a clean, easy distinction, but oftentimes there isn’t one. When you don’t have the support of the parent, when it seems like they feel their child can do no wrong, you need to talk about the discipline not as a punishment. Others have a safe word that they say when they feel like they’re about to go off. You can make it clear to the other students that you are choosing not to engage. Don’t view the disrespectful behavior as a personal attack. I think that’s the thing that they don’t teach us about deliberate ignoring: When parents are yelling at me like it’s my fault, I don’t interrupt. People don’t have that much humanity left. I have a job, and you’ve got a job. A long time ago I wrote a couple of blog posts, and the title of the series was, Are You a Discipline Problem? And a lot of times you’re reacting in ways that, to me, feel out of proportion for what I’m asking you to do. Because in that moment, whether you realize it or not, you are teaching. For example, I had a student who was always talking back to me when I gave him a direction. Remember, the top 4 functions for misbehavior are Avoidance, Attention, Power/Control and Habit. Teaching discipline to a troubled teen can be particularly frustrating when he's apathetic to the consequences or punishments for non-compliance. Enlist parents as partners rather than tattling on their kids. Even if it is. So decide what you have in your classroom environment that the student will lose if they continue with the disrespect. Determine what is disrespectful behavior for you so that you may communicate your expectations with your students. When I can’t find the magic thing that works every single time, I always fall back on the principle that I should change my perspective and look to discipline as another learning opportunity. It relieves me of some of the natural, human feelings around how the child is behaving at that moment. 4. How should you respond to the little things students do that are rude, disrespectful, or just annoying? Your email address will not be published. And here are the ways that you can help me support your child,” so that you lay out the expectations: “When I give you a call, this is the script, this is how I expect you to handle it.”. I’m talking about that 16-year-old who’s being a jerk in class and doing it for attention, and at that moment, he is being disrespectful, right? It's just human nature; some personalities clash. . You just have to remember: Who’s in charge? I said, “I know this feels like punitive for your son and you don’t think he deserves it, but let me talk to you about what I’m hoping. I’m not perfect at it. And then once I’ve got everybody moving where they need to go, then I’m going to go deal with that student, and at that point, it’s not about the phone. I’m old-fashioned. And if you make the choice to ignore it obvious, that’s the difference. How every day with 10-20% of their class is a battle. The first thing is that you have to keep in mind the longer game. Teachers don’t pick on students just out of boredom or bias. Depending on how you grew up, your opinion on disrespectful behavior may differ from parents or other teachers. It really is based on how your classroom management system is set up. There’s a way to deal with the behavior without escalating it, without saying a word, that lets everybody know the student is going to be dealt with. Some students don’t cope well with doing things they don’t want to do and become disrespectful. When you show the parents that this is not a punishment (that’s what they’re protecting their child from, punishment), you’re teaching them that this is another learning opportunity. Students who come late to class "can disrupt the flow of a lecture or discussion, distract other students, impede learning, and generally erode class morale," says the Eberly Center at Carnegie Melon University. A podcast is like a free talk radio show you can listen to online, or download and take with you wherever you go. Natural Consequences. Second – Have your consequences ready so that you are not responding with your emotions. Even if it is. And you might be able to quash the rebellion in the moment, but you have lost the war, because classroom management/discipline is supposed to be about helping our students become better at managing the learning and managing themselves. Students who disrespect teachers are, to put it mildly, extremely inconsiderate. I’ve also had the other side of the coin as an administrator where parents are calling the school, and the child can do no wrong, and how dare you? Our arrangement is that if you’re getting to the point where you feel like you can’t behave in this classroom, then you can go sit in the back of Ms. So-and-So’s classroom and finish your work there, and Ms. So-and-So knows you’re coming.” The student goes in her room, and sits in the back. And when people get quiet, I start talking again. Sometimes student disrespect can seem like the worst behavior to deal with in the classroom. There’s no way to prepare for it other than this: At all times, remain calm. I spend a lot of time in schools, and I’m in all kinds of schools — urban schools, suburban schools, rural schools, schools in the US, schools in other countries. Some teachers are tough teachers. I’m sorry! That’s OK. Cry, vent, throw some stuff (like a ball or something) and then reset your mind so that you can get back in the game. They think there’s some magic bullet: “I must not be doing something right,” or “I saw another teacher,” or “I read something that this teacher said, and it worked for them. Robyn was a National Board Certified English teacher in Maryland, just outside of Washington DC, and has since been an administrator, adjunct professor, consultant, and speaker. What should you do for minor behaviors that don’t necessarily warrant some kind of consequence, but that you can’t let slide every time? But if it’s just simply, “My phone’s out. However, to inspire behavior change in this area, disrespectul students will need a negative consequence. Sign up for my mailing list where I share behavior and classroom management strategies and tips, amazing insights and lessons learned with our Thriving Teachers community every week. So today I want to review seven steps to dealing with disrespectful students. 7 Steps to Dealing With Disrespectful Students Don’t take it personal. Want to learn more from Robyn Jackson? I’m going to get instruction going and then check in with the kid, because if not, that’s how you get those blow-ups. How dare you?” Or, “Wait a minute. But you don’t have to just let it go and act as if it didn’t happen. I’d love to help! Some teachers look at them and say a certain word. You can’t trust him to stay out with friends, use the car, be in his room alone. . I am. Now that you have taught your student how to be respectful, you are doing one of two things: 1- Reinforcing the desired, pre-taught respectful behavior  (i.e. We have to get this behavior out of him.”. I’ve talked about how to avoid getting discouraged by these kinds of behaviors, and how to not give up on apathetic kids. And if the behavior stops quickly, even better (that’s my favorite outcome). It’s not personal (most of the time). I’m coming in and showing people how to do something, and I’m the supposed expert. I always assume that they don’t know or may need a refresher. But a disruption may not be a sign of disrespect. Some students actually feel that they are being "picked on" when called to … If we have a class rule that says that we will be safe, and two students are shoving in line, we split those students up. Disruptions, I may or may not ignore them. I’ve been yelled at by a lot of parents because I hold my kids at pretty high standards, and not all parents are supportive of that. I hated it when parents yelled at me and screamed at me. You: “You know the consequences for disrespectful behavior in this house. When kids aren’t sure: “Are you ignoring it or did he beat you into submission with his words? You are a 13-year-old. I’m trying to think of a clean, easy distinction, but oftentimes there isn’t one. And when I hear that word (it’s something that’s just between me and the student), I say, “OK,” and I back off. See blog posts/transcripts for all episodes. The student may be rude, disrespectful, disruptive, obnoxious, or otherwise annoying. For me, I think that if you let it go right then and there, as bad as that feels, and you settle it when you talk with that student later on, and then that student comes to class the next day and is well-behaved and the students see that that student is being respectful to you — then what students are going to think is, “Whoa. For example, a child runs on the sidewalk, trips, and skins his knee. Anything. Which means that a child can be a discipline problem, but it also means that a teacher can be a discipline problem. When a student is disrespectful to you, you have to be willing to lose the battle. For me sucking your teeth as a response to a direction is disrespectful. I’m sorry!”. But I haven’t addressed practical responses in the moment to student attitudes: I don’t want to settle for trite, rehashed info, so I reached out to Robyn Jackson, founder of Mindsteps Inc, because I knew she could take this conversation to a deeper level. I think that’s the thing that they don’t teach us about deliberate ignoring: you don’t ignore it as if you don’t see it. 2. You’re fighting a bigger war. It’s never easy to do what we do while being disrespected. If you can’t get to the parent first and s/he is angry, let the parent vent BEFORE you talk. I think that that’s the difference. Why isn’t it working for me?” We don’t factor in who we are and how much of a difference that plays in whether or not a strategy will work. . Students are always watching, yes, but you aren’t tolerating that behavior now. A long time ago I wrote a couple of blog posts, and the title of the series was, You can make it clear to the other students that you are. So how do you deal with that? And you’re not just teaching that student: every student who witnesses it learns something, too. They don’t work with some personalities. You lay it out before things go badly, so that you have precedent there, and it’s not the first time parents are encountering your expectation for their support. This is a hard situation, and it’s hard to take the long view of things. Then everybody knows you saw it, you’ve chosen to ignore it, and you’ve handled it without escalating it. So I need to know what’s going on with you, and we’re going to have to figure out something else that you can do instead, because that particular reaction doesn’t work. You want to make sure that you’re teaching the right lessons in every interaction. You, on the other hand, may just see it as background noise. I’ve had those situations where you’re sitting there and you’re thinking, “Oh no. It’s hard to say, “You handled this correctly,” or “You did it incorrectly.” There are just so many moving parts. I don’t think teachers should tolerate disrespect, ever. List of Logical Consequences for Teens: The consequence of disrespect — He doesn’t respect me, I don’t respect him. That always has to be addressed. I don’t say, “I’m not going to talk as long as you’re talking,” because then they’re like, “Fine. Consequences can stop misbehavior in the moment. You can acknowledge it without engaging in it. I mean, what’s funny is, it’s not just kids. I think that both are really important, and I think it’s often a missing link that people have when they’re trying to figure out how to create that classroom. When a student refuses to comply with a simple request, most of the time there’s a bigger issue at stake. If she is disrespectful to you in front of a friend, withhold her privilege to … The consequences for any given action will depend upon the seriousness of the violation and all other circumstances. Now it’s time to implement your intervention sequence: First – Teach how to be respectful . So let them vent and hear them out, because. Do I not respond?” And unfortunately, there’s no manual for this because kids come up with all kinds of things that we’re not prepared for. The learning process for other students is affected when one or more students behave in a disruptive manner. For students with frequent defiant behavior, I like to develop these consequences with the student. The third way, you say, ‘ Yes’, or ‘Yes, Ms, Holiday.’  Do you understand?”, He nodded his head yes. Are they trying to gain control of the situation? When we sacrifice that bigger goal for a temporary win, we create other problems down the line, and it doesn’t even feel good to us. You just have to remember: W, That means you just let the “last word” stuff go. Disruptive behavior by one student also encourages other students to do the same, which compromises the teacher's authority and ability to control the group. So what's a parent to do when your kid says, "I don't care," or worse, "Whatever." Typical Teen Behavior. Not just because “no one deserves to be treated like a doormat,” I just think it’s hard for kids to learn in that kind of environment where they feel like they’re in control of the classroom. If the student’s trying to get you to react, and you do, then you’re playing his game. And when you do that sincerely, it’s really hard for parents to resist someone who cares so much about their child that they’re taking the time to apply the discipline, even when the parent doesn’t agree. “The look” can mean a lot of different things. Students who roll their eyes and refuse to look at them or listen to their directions. Even in how you ignore, you can look at the student sadly, shake your head, and then keep moving with what you’re doing and get everybody back on track. Email is not enough, because parents may not read their email before they talk to their child, so you really want to get to the parent. I release a new 15-20 minute episode each Sunday and feature it here on the blog to help you get energized and motivated for the week ahead. They’ll say, “I’m talking to my mother — my grandmother is sick,” or “I don’t feel like it.” “OK, why not?” You get them engaged in conversations that can help you figure out what’s going on and help you deal with the real issue, and not make the phone the issue. You can institute a "three strikes" plan, where you discipline for each separate incident, but after three problems, your child can no longer live with you. Give your kids a time to argue and get it all out. Those are short-term solutions. We have to be really careful about how we interpret student behavior, because a lot of times in our frustration, we end up interpreting things as disrespect that were never intended to be disrespectful. Understand the teenage brain. What you’re not doing is getting in the last word, and eventually that student looks ridiculous, especially if you remain calm and you remain in control of the classroom. I may not directly address them right away because I might be able to redirect that student, or I may be able to get that student re-engaged. Once you start, it often gets worse before it better, so don’t be surprised if the behavior escalates at the beginning. Oftentimes I’ll say, “We can’t continue to do this. A lot of times it’s just a part of how they speak, and they catch themselves, and they’re like, “Oops.”. creating a strong, positive classroom culture, how to undo your classroom management mistakes, Never Work Harder Than Your Students and Other Principles of Great Teaching. “When I tell you to do something there are three acceptable ways to respond. In that is a plea for help. I think that that’s the difference. Your consequences should deter students from interrupting the flow of your class. Consequences can get students back on track. She’s been championing equity, access, and rigor for over 15 years. Even in how you ignore, you can look at the student sadly, shake your head, and then keep moving with what you’re doing and get everybody back on track. The teachers I’ve seen pull off this off created a classroom culture that is a good fit for their own personality and the personality of the kids involved. How do I know this? The first thing is that you have to keep in mind the longer game. I mean, what’s funny is, it’s not just kids. So I make sure to teach what I expect from them. So let them vent and hear them out, because in their complaints you’ll always find the way to their hearts. Teens like to test the limits of their independence. So don’t be surprised … Then once you have that agreement, you can hold them accountable to the agreement, even when you can’t hold them accountable to the behavior and to the behavioral expectations of the classroom. I let them vent, and when they are done yelling, then I will come in and talk. And when I hear that word (it’s something that’s just between me and the student), I say, “OK,” and I back off. Get the story to the parent before the child does. As a teacher, what would you do? What students will see is that you’ve made a choice to ignore that behavior. The disrespect is a form of aggression or anger that has, possibly, been suppressed for some time and is now being exemplified in the form of verbal abuse or other means of disrespect. And a lot of times that gets them talking so I can find out what else is going on. One of the things I learned from Cynthia Tobias, who has this, So I say, “Put your phone away,” and then the student just doesn’t do it or says no, and then I say, “How come?” calmly. I’ve seen it happen, but creating that kind of classroom culture is not easy. Then that’s a disruption. Teenagers are a handful -- and then some! The student will need to lose out on something when they demonstrate disrespectful behaviors. And when somebody does something that’s a disruption or is blatantly disrespectful, it’s hard for me to step out of, “Wait a minute. It’s when we don’t make that “ignoring choice” obvious that there’s a problem. Is there a way to keep kids from eye-rolling, teeth sucking, muttering under their breath, and so on. So whatever you do, commit to it, but make it fit who you are. I want him to learn a lesson, and I think we’ve gotten to the point where the only way he can learn this lesson is that he have a consequence that’s dire. The student then gets himself together and we address the issue when he’s calmer. In other words, you must resist the urge to admonish, scold, lecture, get even, or otherwise attempt to put the student in their place. Don’t take it personally. If it’s a simple request like “put your phone away”, and they don’t do it, I move on. Natural consequences show teens the reasons for your rules, and provide a correction without the parent having to do anything, which can prevent teens from developing resentment at a parent for “punishing” them. I don’t think teachers should tolerate disrespect, ever. Third  – Implement quickly and consistently. Consider the Reason. It means that the student just realized that things won’t be business as usual. Tardiness is a big deal, especially if left unchecked. You can use points, time owed or a preferred activity. I release a new 15-20 minute episode each Sunday and feature it here on the blog to help you get energized and motivated for the week ahead. One person’s disruption is another person’s disrespect. I don’t need to pick him up, or cook him meals (you can extend this as far as you want) The consequence of lying — You can’t trust him. There is no key that says if you’re this kind of personality, this strategy will work, and if you’re that kind of personality, this strategy will work. But a disruption may not be a sign of disrespect. A natural consequence is something that automatically results from a person’s action. I say, “OK, I’ll deal with you in a second.” I get everybody else moving so that the learning in the classroom doesn’t stop, and then I deal with that student. Visit mindstepsinc.com, or check out her (amazing!) Absolutely. That always has to be addressed. The dangers of disrespect. In fact, how depressing would it be if that weren’t possible? You’ve laid out what that looks like to you, you’ve had that conversation with parents ahead of time. Why isn’t it working for me?”. And a lot of times it doesn’t have anything to do with you on that particular day. One of the things I learned from Cynthia Tobias, who has this great book on strong-willed children, is when strong-willed kids don’t comply with a simple request, ask the question, “How come?”. So when facing disrespect from your student, consider this:  Is the student trying to avoid the given task or request? Because if they replaced you with an entirely different person, but in the same circumstances, the student will still be disrespectful. You are challenging me. I let them vent, and when they are done yelling, then I will come in and talk. You’re just ignoring it as if, “I’m not going to deal with it at this time.” And is students see that choice, then you are still in control of your classroom. This way,  I know that my students have the tools they need to be respectful. It could be there’s just a look, or maybe it’s body language. This is where natural and logical consequences come in. Frankly, escalation usually means that your plan is working.